Single Dad Shit &
The Ryan Gosling Effect

by Jon Moore

Let me say this, I’m not comparing my struggle with anyone else’s. However, I AM saying that a single father’s struggle is considerably different than a single mothers. We simply don’t have the same options or opportunities Moms have. Let’s talk about some things which are unique to being a single dad.

I - Finding An ‘At Home’ Nanny

I’d prefer to have a female Nanny. Someone between the age of 50-75. Someone with experience as a Nanny and is good at tidying up. Yeah, Mrs. Doubtfire. But, let’s face it, the real Mrs. Doubtfire’s in this world (I’m talking about the one’s not in drag) are rare and expensive. As they should be. I’m not in that financial category of someone who can afford a full time nanny at the $25hr level. I’m more at the minimum wage level.

What do you get at that level? You get a college student or a teenager. Frankly, the college student could even be ambitious. However, if you’re a single dad….who looks like he just busted out of prison it’s tough. However, I can’t help but to wonder….would/does Ryan Gosling have this issue? If I looked like Ryan Gosling, would I have nanny’s interview with me, seemingly great, only to never hear from them again? I’m sure he doesn’t.

II - Approaching Other “Moms”

One time, Halloween was rained out, so to speak. So, Gail and I went to our favorite Chick- Fil-A to regroup. The line snaked around the entire dining area. The lady in front of me was slightly damp and had two children in costume with her. She appeared to be educated and in her mid-40’s. She made eye contact so I made small talk, with genuine intrigue, about, ‘what to do now’. She, grabbing for her kids, said there may be some local churches doing an indoor Trunk or Treat somewhere and I should google some. As if on cue, Gail comes up to me from the bathroom, in her Scooby Doo costume (which she’s worn every year, 5 years in a row) and ask’s if she can play in the kids play area. When I turned back, the woman was then staring at me, with a completely new demeanor. She told me everything she knew about the local events, what other friends of hers were doing because of the rain. Even hypothesized on some potential ideas.

Granted, this lady could’ve just been a bitch, but her, ‘go to’ was to think I was some kind of perv, making conversation in order to get at her kids. That was her ‘go to’. Her first thought was that. She didn’t see a Dad rained out of Halloween and out of ideas at all. She saw only a perv. I may look like a lot of things and folks may get the wrong impression of me, however, perv isn’t one of them.

This is a scenario which happens, seemingly, weekly. If not that, certainly monthly. Imagine this: Walking up to a gaggle of moms at a park, all talking, and politely introducing myself. Stating that I’m “Gail’s Daddy” and then politely ask about local engagements, events, happenings, sporting activities, etc. to get involved with my child.

Before I go into their response, I’m going to finish painting this picture. These moms, upon my presence, have begun to scan the playground looking for their children whereabouts. They’re now clutching their purses, strollers, bags or if available, child. They are not smiling. If they were smiling when you walked up, they’re not anymore and the overall reception is hostile.

You couldn’t convince me this would happen to Ryan Gosling. I don’t even feel it’s about that. I don’t wanna get with these moms. I’ve other things on my mind and hitting on strange women at the park isn’t one of them. The reality being is that even if I were and I scored a date, I can’t seem to get a sitter (see bullet point 1) amongst other mishaps.

III - Magic & Trickery

What is a magic trick? A magic trick is using sleight of hand, optical illusions or whimsical theatrics in order to throw off the audience. This is what moms do when I approach. They’ll tell me all about the events going on in other neighborhoods or towns. I’ve never once heard the phrase, “Oh, my kid is involved in ________Name Event Here_______________. They love it. Your kiddo may love it too! Let me find the coaches, teachers, trainers, etc. phone number….” They allude to anything else going on but the one thing they’ve their own child in.

Granted, I’m well aware I’m somehow off putting. My mere presence alone is only a confirmation what they need to get back in the gym so they can run faster whenever a man like me approaches…..does this too happen to Ryan Gosling?

IV - Playdates & Sleepoevers

Well, playdates are tough on a lot of levels. Level 1 (and the most obvious) their kids aren’t coming to our house. I kinda get that. Once, I met another single dad at the pool. Our daughters knew each other and they played. We talk about our similar and different struggles. When it was time to leave, our daughters immediately wanted to do a sleepover. My first instinct was, “Hell no!” A sleepover at a single dads house? I don’t think so. Then it occurred to me…hey idiot, you’re a single dad too! So, I get it. It had nothing to do with him. I feel strongly that he most likely had the same thought pattern too. We exchanged numbers and politely never heard from each other again. I’m certainly not opposed to it. I’m just saying, I get it. I really do.

V - Work/Jobs

This one’s tough. It tough having a career and being a single dad. I should say that, but I’m only guessing. I can’t work full time in a leadership position, in an environment which I’m qualified or trained. I need a flexible schedule. I don’t have grandma down the street I can call for those late work nights. I don’t have a support system. If an employer isn’t willing to be flexible then I can’t work there. Here’s the rub…ok, the first of many rubs:

• It’d be foolish for me to bring this up in a job interview. Not getting that job. I know because I’ve done this. I’ve gone to, easily, a hundred interviews for positions I’m easily qualified and over qualified for. Nothing. Does this happen to Ryan Gosling too? You thing they pour over every little detail of his training, expertise and accountability before the inevitable, “I’m sorry, we’re going with another candidate at this time” comes down?


• What if she’s sick and has to stay out of school? If I can’t work from home, it’s not happening. Imagine your first month or two in a brand new position and you’ve got to take off three days, a week, to care for your child. Then guess what? You get sick! Only exasperating the problem.


• Child pick up, half days, school closings….can I bring my kid to work? Not getting any work done if I do. I mean, an iPad only entertains her for a little bit. Same goes for coloring, reading, etc. She’s in a big, bright, new, exciting place. A magical place…where Daddy works. She wants to know all about what you’re doing. What’s that button do? What’s that computer for? Who’s that person in your office? What’s in that drawer…..you get it.

My answer has been to freelance and to take on clients here and there. Trying to raise money by some other means. The freelancing is tough simply because it’s a constant hustle. Hustles, require a lot of time and attention. How you gonna do this evening networking thing with a kid in tow? I bring her along…but I spend my evenings with her and not networking. I mean, I can’t drink. It’s difficult holding a conversation without chasing her off the cake, cookie, donut tray inevitably out on a table.

I guess you can tell, I don’t make a lot of money. I’ve no idea what to do to support us. I'm not complaining. I love our little life. Wish Daddy could be a better provider. Does this happen to Ryan Gosling too?